Jumping the Jersey Shore

Jersey Shore Season 2? Bad, terrible, horrible very bad idea MTV. An even worse idea than a woman buying one of these and wearing it to a job interview.

Now don't assume that I'm some TV snob and I'm writing this from some sort of high horse where I'm claiming the show is trash, not worth watching, etc. I would never say such a thing, because I happen to lurve junky reality television. It's such a pleasure for me I wouldn't even say I feel guilty. (And a Catholic girl who enjoys something that doesn't riddle her with guilt is a very big deal indeed.)

The thing with a second season of Jersey Shore is that the magic of eight fame-seeking so-called (by themselves) Guidos and Guidettes, whoring themselves at the expense of their dignity, will be lost. They all signed on to a television show meant to spoof their chosen or adopted lifestyles. Jersey Shore had the makings of a hit show from the start and the ability to propel those who could stand out into instant footnotes on pop culture history. Consider this, two days after the show aired, there was already a Jersey Shore nickname generator. This thing was gold.

Just so we're clear, I'm not arguing that reality television represents reality. There's two segments of reality stars that constitute the most compelling of characters. You have those who know that they're on a show, and they have to make a name for themselves; they have to stand out. These are the characters that invent catchphrases that will be uttered and replayed for years until they overplay (and sometimes then reappear years later in ironic usage). Consider Cristian Siriano and "fierce." On the other side of the coin is the pure crazy, the guy or gal who was cast for the show, but who has no idea how he or she is going to be perceived by the American public, and therefore becomes legend (Tatiana del Toro). The second type is prone to epic meltdowns, and the promise of such is the reason that people tune in to watch. In some ways the pure crazy contestant is the sadder of the ones who are remembered for their stint on a show, because they had no idea they were set to be mocked and ridiculed before they disappear.

Now how does that relate to Jersey Shore? Admittedly, these eight ranged from various degrees of self awareness and delusion.

You have Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino, who developed a schtick that could extend to future reality superstardom or, perhaps, even beyond. I'm not saying this guy is the future governor of the state of New Jersey—especially since he's actually from New York—but he has developed a very marketable persona for the cameras, and that just may land him his own show. But the thing is he's in on the joke made at his own expense. He's clearly playing up the whole ladies-man thing, the greasy charm that has led to countless hookups at the shore, but he almost carries that off with a half wink at the cameras that are going to carry his nickname, and his persona, to the masses, and at the same time, to the bank. "The Situation" has become a pop cultural phenomenon in himself. When you have various people instantly spoofing you on television talk shows, on blogs and through their Facebook status updates, you've made it.

At the other end of the spectrum was Angelina, whose bitchness played terribly on TV and was self-deluded that people would find her brand of crazy appealing.

But what about Snooki, who has both a touch of self-delusion and crazy, but also has seemingly warmed the hearts of America? She's found fame outside the show as well, having appeared alongside "The Situation" on many a late night talk show. On the Shore, she didn't seem to have the shrewd head for, well, anything, but her stupidity masks a higher ambition: her own show, which she offered up just after Jersey Shore aired ... Snookin' for Love.

And then you have Vinnie, who's a snoozefest and actually a bit high brow for the Jersey Shore set; unless I'm wrong, you won't catch Vinnie as part of the future airing of VH1's, I love the Aughts. Not interesting or crazy and not trashy or catchphrasy enough. (Though he did fist pump with giant pit sweatstains, but that was completely unintentionally funny and likely something that caused him great embarrassment when he saw the show later.)

Now back to my point, which is this, Jersey Shore won't have the same appeal, especially if either of two things happen: The same cast is used and the cast is actually paid thousands of dollars to appear. The cast members that are aware of how they are perceived on the show and online will milk their faux personalities to the hilt, and it'll grow tired so quickly. The others are either too self unaware or too boring to really make up for it, and what was once a pure genius glimpse at a set of fame whores before they found said infamy will be tainted by that achievement. Case in point: Milking MTV for $10,000 an episode.

The guts of the show will be ripped out; the phenomenon should just end with the tanning-making, gym-going, laundry-doing original.