Just for the Cheap Celebrity of It!

So, I find myself watching what may be termed "a lot" of reality TV—Don't judge. I can feel you judging—Worthwhile entertainment does exist out there, especially on Bravo, and especially the Project Runways and Top Chefs. But, despite my fandom, I have to take an opposing stance to Diet Coke's new TV ads*. The recent ads featured PR's Heidi Klum and TC's Tom Colicchio. 

Um, Diet Coke, I'm worried about the direction this is going. Sure, Heidi was a supermodel or whatever, and she's nice and all, but you used to get people like Penelope Cruz and Adrian Brody. And Tom is lovably curmudgeonly, but he's really not an official celebrity. You also used to have Paula Abdul, before she became a reality TV star, when she actually made her own music and before she went all wacky and nonsensical. But she's nice, I guess. 

Anyway, I am just concerned that we'll soon be seeing Diet Coke spots with Real Housewives and that shrill Jeff from Flipping Out, doing such over the fact that someone brought him a Diet Pepsi (or God forbid, Jonathan from Blowout, crying his eyes out and seeing his therapist over his love of Diet Coke ... Yikes). Do you see my concern here? You have an established brand to protect here, and this is a potentially very slippery slope down to having Tool Academy endorsers.  

Don't get me wrong, those shows are guilty pleasures for me, but I don't think I want to have those people making me feel like I need to be enjoying a tall frosty glass of Aspartame. 

* Which, as an owner of TiVo, I wouldn't typically be viewing, except that I had to watch the last part of the Oscars live since I got home late and didn't want to be behind on watercooler discussions in the morning; I didn't have a choice. Had to watch those silly commercial interruptions, not the product placementy commercials that appear as part of the reality TV shows (Bluefly.com Accessories Wall. Quaker Oats Challenge). But that's another post entirely. 

The Pet Shop Choice

The story about the pet chimpanzee that went berserk and mauled a family friend has got me thinking about the appropriateness of having certain animals as housepets. A Google search suggests that chimps have struck before and again some more.

But what about your typical house pet, such as a dog, cat or kimodo dragon? Let's talk about one of my pets, a vicious beast named Ivy. When I was a senior in high school, my dad brought home Ivy, a runt-of-the-litter kitten. She was an adorable, sickly thing—two traits that masked her inner Cujo. She started out weak and cute, but upon healing turned into a skittish monster. She attacked anything and everything that moved, those mostly being my parents and me. She'd lie in wait for someone to walk by, then spring on the victim in full aggression, tearing at the skin with her teeth while digging in with her claws. My hands were constantly torn apart from when I tried to pet her.

And she was wily, too. Often she'd wait to attack until after my mother had put on her nylon stockings—oh yes, Ivy knew what she was doing—she would rend them apart. And it wasn't just the claws and the teeth we had to worry about.

I would sleep with a water glass on my headboard, right behind my pillow, so I could hydrate in the middle of the night. On the nights when I would forget to close my bedroom door, Ivy would slink in at 6:00 a.m., seek out the water glass and swat at it until she knocked it over, spilling it all over me. This happened time and time again, a early morning drenching, and I know she plotted it out throughout the night, constantly checking the door to see it ajar, ready to make her move.

So, I believe my point is, what makes a kitten such as Ivy a naturally better pet than a chimpanzee? I believe it's an individual pet and the care and treatment of it that makes for a good animal. I grew up with a perfect companion in a cocker spaniel; she never let me down nor tried to drown me in my sleep or attempted to tear my face off. Just saying. Be careful for what you bring in your home. The more you know ...

OK, OK, I'm Here. Gawd!

So, some people were harassing me because I hadn't updated this thing since just after I started it. And, sure, that's true, but I haven't had much to say over the past week. Sure, I've been updating my Facebook status, but that takes very little time and creativity. And I should be washing dishes right now, instead of succumbing to peer pressure, but I've never been very strong avoiding suggestions.

So here you go, all two of you that read this thing so far...a culling of my favorite status updates from the past week. Enjoy!

Andrea is now in the market for a new nose, as the one she had froze off on the walk back from lunch. Her sniffles are gone, though.

Andrea couldn't find her moisturizing gloves last night, and as it's desert-dry in her apartment, had to wear socks on her hands.

(For those in the D.C. area, this'll make sense) Andrea wonders why Tyson made his corner so difficult to get to.

Andrea just did the backstroke in the flooded office kitchen.

Andrea wonders what excuse she's gonna use to forgo the gym tonight.

Andrea received a press release touting products called "Gainfully Employed Fixtures," "Hardworking Taxpayer Table Lamps," and "Honest Wall Street Sconces." Seriously. (That's making light of the economy! Or looking at the bright side in this our darkest hour.)

Andrea thinks the people who claim that chewing gum will curb your desire to snack are stupid.

(My personal favorite) Andrea wonders if Judd Gregg actually withdrew his nomination because he had to go get his excess consonants surgically removed.

Andrea heard Marion Barry say, "that bitch, Uncle Sam, set me up."

Andrea does not recommend chopping an onion, then putting in one's contact lenses shortly afterward.

Geez!

Dear Family of Elephants Who Apparently Live Upstairs,

My goodness! What are you doing? Why are you jumping around? Why are spoons falling out of my dish rack? Why does it feel like my ceiling is caving in?

Please calm down now and stop your wrestling match or circus performance. It's 10:00 p.m. on a Monday, for goodness sake.

Thank you muchly,
A the E

P.S. I expect that you won't forget that I sent you this message. After all, you are elephants ...

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I heard you're out there...somewhere.

Try, Try Again

Sooo, this isn't my first stint here in the ol' blogosphere, but hopefully this will be a lasting one. I need some sort of ongoing creative outlet, and I like to share things I observe; this couples those two things perfectly.

My previous blogging life played out, happily, on a party barge. It was fun being part of a team, sharing all of our random experiences, but that fizzled out in 2007. So now I've been set adrift, on my own. Time will tell whether I sink this ship too.

So, the title. Right. About that. A running joke if you will. When you really incensed about something, you flip the table (or the desk) you happen to be seated at and storm out of the room. So many observances here ... will be of that variety. I happen to get fired up often. Enjoy!