Letter to the Intended Pollen-Editors

Dear cute little kids with your fundraising car wash, 

Thank you for hosting a car wash in D.C. this past weekend. You did a really good job making those signs and the location you picked, on Wisconsin Ave. in Georgetown, was brilliant. I also commend you on picking the first 90 degree day to hold your car wash; the weather was gorgeous and, with no rain in sight, you probably had a bunch of takers. I hope you raised a ton of money for your sports team/band/chess club/whatever. 

I also like to say I admire your enthusiasm as I pulled up to the traffic light next to you. Your shrieking pierced right through the loud music I had blasting on my stereo. But pointing and laughing at my green-pollen-dusted car was not appreciated. Suggesting that I needed to have my icky car washed, while correct, was not the best marketing strategy. You see, I park my car under a tree, and until that tree decides it's done with its business, I will not be paying anyone to hose it off. 

Thanks so much for trying, 

This blogger 

Creative Differences

My blog and I have spent some time apart, recently, as we experienced creative differences. My blog really wanted to have imaginative posts, and I did not feel that I could perform such feats at that time. 

I blame the haze brought on by the heavy use of Zyrtec, which was being used to handle the green pollen-ic haze that has settled over the D.C. area. This allergy pill dropped me into a Rip-Van-Winkle-type drowse, but I somehow went about my day without really no recollection of what I did or where the time went. What year is it? Why do I somehow have, in my possession, a suitcase full of unmarked bills? Perhaps allergy meds should be enlisted in government experiments at controlling people and keeping them in line?

Anywho, two news items caught my attention on Monday. I know it's Wednesday, and it's long old news. I also realize that I'm pretending to be a blogger, and, therefore, should be breaking all sorts of news myself. But, give me some time to get with this. Anyway, back to Monday: The first was a local report interrupting GMA—which is fine because all that show seems to focus on lately is Susan Boyle and her incredible shot at British and Internet stardom, ho hum—to announce that seven Greenpeace activists had scaled a construction crane near the State Department, draping a large banner and themselves from it. The report said that most of the major routes into downtown from Virginia were being closed off while they extracted the activists from the crane. I don't mind the whole protest thing; I just think that screwing up people's commutes is a really poor way to get your message across, especially on a beautiful Monday morning when they'd rather be sipping margaritas in the backyard than stuck in their cars on a bridge over the Potomac. Just saying. 

The second report centered on a brilliant group of frat boys at The George Washington University, who decided to grease their Slip 'n' Slide at a philanthropy event with laundry detergent, resulting in trips to the hospital for sorority girls for treatment of chemical burns. Doesn't a Slip 'n' Slide only require water to work? Isn't that the point? If you're using a Slip 'n' Slide and going to the hospital for reasons other than sprains and broken bones, you're doing it wrong. Also note that, semi-ironically, the event was to support the Firefighters Burn Foundation ...

That's all for now, folks.